My Rad Lady
by sorenitysloth
Summary: One day the Little Traitor Dudes were on their way home from a mission. They were planning to just head home and crash but then they ran into an unexpected guest along the way. Negative Numbuh 3 x LTDFCD.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was like a totally tubular afternoon in the like totally radical realm of the like so-very-radicool Little Traitor Dudes for Children's Defense. And they were like totally tired and achey after like a very long day of protecting children's rights. They were like so looking forward to going home and like enjoying some well-deserved rest. Daddy like always greeted them with like chocolate milk and fresh-baked cookies whenever they like came back from a successful mission. And that was like simply an opportunity that they like totally couldn't pass up. Weary and tired, they like stumbled across the sidewalk like holding each other, in like the biggest warm fluffy ball of affection you've like ever seen in your life. But then like out of the corner of his eye, Divad like totally spotted someone suspicious like hiding in the bushes on like the opposite side of the road.

"Stand back, dudes. I like totally just saw a DNK Operative hiding behind those bushes."

The others groaned in like total exasperation. Hadn't they like done enough for today? But Divad was like adamant about protecting the rights of like all children. He like took his job as a Little Traitor Dude like very seriously. No matter like how much strength it like took out of him and his comrades. And he was right. It's not like they could like just turn their back on their cause. Even if they _were_ tired. Steadily they like approached the area with like caution and precision so as to like not be seen or heard by any lurking enemies.

Ecnatsnoc somehow like totally lost her footing along the way though, and like totally fell through a shallow patch in the ground. The other dudes were like totally annoyed by her like total lack of tact, but that like totally didn't matter right now. They like totally loved their sis and were like totally worried that she may have like gotten hurt. Ecnatsnoc landed like totally softly onto a patch of like wet untrimmed grass. "Like ouch dude!" she like totally responded to the totally stinging sensation that like totally pulsated through her skin. She had like totally hit her elbow but it was like only a scrape, totally nothing she couldn't handle.

"Ecnat! Are you like okay?!" The other dudes scrambled to like her side to like make sure she like hadn't totally injured herself.

" _I_ like _t_ otally am but..." Ecnat like turned her gaze slowly. The others looked over to like see a young dudette with like a green sweater and black hair, like totally paralyzed with like tiny cuts all over her face, writhing around on the ground in like total agony.

"Grrrrr..." the little dude muttered in like total resistance, struggling to like get herself on even footing. She like totally appeared to be a DNK operative. But that like totally didn't matter. The little traitor dudes were like totally sworn to protect like all children. And this was like totally no exception.

"Hold on, little dude. We'll like totally help you out of that mess."

"Grr..." she snarled in like total ferocity. "...don't touch me!"

But they like totally tried helping her up anyway. It didn't look like she could like walk on her own at the moment so they like decided they should like take her home and like treat those nasty scratches on her face.

Now that they got like a good look at her she was like actually pretty cute.

She was small, cute, and feisty. Just like a cat. Daddy totally wouldn't let them keep pets in the mansion because he was like totally allergic to animal fur.

But maybe...just like maybe...

Ecurb gently bent down to like pick her up and they like all gazed into her eyes like totally dreamily.

"Hey! Put me down!" she like shrieked in like total disgust.

But it was like already too late. They had like totally promised themselves that they like totally weren't abandoning her. And they like never backed down on like a promise.

"Sorry, dude! We're like just fulfilling our like sworn duties!"

Suddenly the sky like totally darkened up like just a bit.

" _Gnarly man!_ We'd like better get you home! There's like totally a wicked storm moving in!"

So the Little Traitor dudes like hurriedly took like the quickest route back to their mansion so they could like arrive before the rain like totally started coming down.

They like got back to the mansion like rather late due to like their little detour, but they like couldn't just leave Ikuk out there all alone in the cold, dark, scary world with like no one to totally cuddle with.

Daddy like totally scolded them for coming back so late.

"Children! Oh thank goodness! You're alright! Where have you been all this time? I was worried sick about you!"

"Daddy!" They like shouted back in like total enamor. "We're like totally sorry for like getting home so late. We were like totally swamped helping out this little dude!"

Daddy like took a close look at Ikuk but like as soon as he came close to her face she like totally bit at him, baring a pair of like totally sharp jagged teeth.

"Cripes! That's no ordinary child. Th-th-that's a destructively nefarious kid!" Daddy like totally cowered in fear and like hid behind the sofa.

"Daddy. We know that. But she's like hurt! And it's like not like we could like just leave her out there in the rain."

"O-oh alright. But only for tonight! As soon as this storm's over she leaves. And whatever you do d-d-don't let her out of your sight!

"Thanks Daddy! You're like totally the best!" They like totally hugged him before retreating off to their room.

"Oh deary me. What have I just done?!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Poor little dude," the LTDFCD like totally commented after like totally removing the thorns from the totally evil child's body. They treated her cuts with like disinfectant ointment and and pressed cotton against them to soak up the blood.

The girl continued to like hiss and whimper when they like touched her sore spots. She had totally tried to get up by herself like several times but when she like moved around too much, agonizing pain like totally shot through her whole body and she like curled up on the ground in defense.

"You need to like rest little dude, or else your injuries like totally won't heal."

"Hmph." Ikuk totally like growled and grumbled to herself. She like still wouldn't talk to them or tell like them how she totally ended up like that. But they like didn't need to know.

All they did know was that she was like pretty darn cute when she made those totally pouty grumpy faces and they just totally could not help but sigh over her in like adoration.

"Who's a like totally cutesy wootsy wittle pile of cuteness? _You_ totallyare!" They made disgustingly saccharine and idiotic babble at her, which caused her to grimace in disgust. Then without warning they started rubbing their grubby little faces against hers.

How insulting. Their eyes were big and ugly and practically popped out of their faces. Their hair was unkempt and crawling with dandruff. And their breath reeked of the sugary sweet taste of freshly chopped pineapple. _Disgusting_. And yet they dared to rub their face germs all over her.

First they had kidnapped her after she had gotten injured and separated from her comrades.Then they had forced her to sleep in their stinky rat-infested "bedroom." Then they started attacking her face with stinging pieces of cotton, and because of her poor condition she couldn't even muster up the strength to fight back. How pathetic. How huliating. What nonsense was this. She should have been outside committing evil deeds alongside her villainous comrades. But instead she was stuck here in this rundown old trailer that stunk of unwashed gym socks and soccer jerseys. All the while, these idiotic good-for-nothings fawned over her like they had never seen another child in their whole life.

She stuck her tongue out at them and hissed when they tried to touch her cheeks.

"Awww someone's totally a cranky little dude. Are you like hungry? We'll like totally fix a bowl of freshly chopped fruit, _just for you."_

Ikuk like totally crinkled her nose in disgust, and they gave her a gentle pat on the head.

"You stay _right there_ and relax. We'll totally be back in a jiff, little dude."

 _She didn't have to listen to them. She didn't take orders from anyone. And she most certainly wasn't going to stoop to these scatterbrained fools' level. Hmph. She didn't need their lousy help. She could take care of herself._

She'd hurry up and find a way to escape while they weren't looking.

The Little Traitor Dudes quickly got to work. "Divad, you're on like pineapple duty, Ec, you prepare the melon, Ynnel make one of your like special Rainbow Monkey Supreme Guava smoothies just for our lovely little guest, and Yelhsa you're in charge of like dessert," Ecurb gave like each of his sibs something to do so the work was like divided totally evenly among them. Then before the others noticed he hadn't like given himself anything to do, he sneakily retreated to like check up on Ikuk.As soon as he made sure his sibs hadn't like followed him, Ecurb quietly made it into the bedroom only to find Ikuk like painfully struggling with herself on the floor.

"Oh no!" he like instinctively rushed over to her and totally scooped her off the ground.

"You okay, sweet dudette?"

She totally grumbled quietly to herself and refused to look at him.

"Oh, good," he sighed in relief. He totally didn't know what he'd do if she like got even more injured.

She like piercingly glared at the like totally grating sound of his voice.

"Eep! S-sorry." He quickly set her back upon the bed. "I'll um...totally check up on you later?" he like waved shyly at her before rejoining his sibs in the kitchen.

Ecurb may have been the leader, but he was like incredibly shy and skittish when it came to like normal social interactions.

Yelhsa merrily stirred her cookie batter while imagining the like uber cute expression on Ikuk's face when she like took a bite out of them. The thought made her feel like totally warm and fuzzy inside and she could not like contain all the joy that like flowed through her heart.

"Yelhsa?"

"Hm hm hm..." she hummed totally absent-mindedly to herself.

"Yelhsaaaa."

"Yes, little lady dude?"

"Yelhsa," Divad totally snapped his fingers in front of the blonde girl's face. _"Huh?!"_ Yelhsa snapped back to reality and like nearly dropped her bowl of cookie dough.

"Oh dear" she like quickly grabbed the bowl before it like spilled everywhere.

"Hehe...Divad. Hi," she totally muttered in embarrassment. "You like needed something?"

Divad patted her shoulder reassuringly.

Yelhsa had like a habit of getting lost in thought, and she could be like a bit of an airhead, but she totally like tried her best and always carried out her work with like a smile on her face. Her siblings totally loved and appreciated her for the kind person she was.

"You've been stirring that batter for like quite a while now. Maybe it's time to like put it in the oven."

"Oh gosh. You're like totally right. Hehehe..."

When Daddy heard the commotion going on in the kitchen, he like totally checked to see what was going on.

"Hello, my little gumdrops! What's going on in here? Do I smell cookies? I hope you plan on sharing with your loving Daddykins!"

"Of course!" Ynnel ran up to Daddy and like totally hugged him.

"Awww, come here, my little cuddlebug!" Daddy scooped Ynnel into his arms and ruffled his hair.

"We're like making a totally special breakfast for our guest...oh, I wish she would tell us like her name," Ecnatsnoc sighed to herself.

Daddy put Ynnel down and started trembling uncontrollably. "G-g-guest? You don't mean that... _dnk operative_?" he whispered in a totally fear-ridden voice.

"Of course. We like couldn't let her leave without breakfast. Besides, she's still too weak to walk without help," Ec stared at Daddy with like her cutest puppy-dog look.

"Oh, alright...but she's _only_ staying until she feels better."

"Yaaaaayyy!" the kids shouted and totally covered Daddy in kisses. "We love you, Daddy!"

When they were done preparing the food the Traitor Dudes totally made their way back to their new friend.

"Oh little dudette! We like brought you breakfast!"

But she totally refused.

"Come on. Just like a bite?"

But when Yelhsa held out the piece of fruit to her, Ikuk totally like chucked it across the room.

"Hey!"

Oh. The ugly blonde girl wore a look of dissatisfaction on her face. This pleased Ikuk immensely.

"That's not very nice."

Ikuk only laughed at her. How intriguing. Had the dumb broad finally had enough?

"So like that's how you're going to play, huh?" Divad totally grabbed a piece of fruit and like stuck it in Ikuk's mouth while she was distracted.

Ikuk immediately started like coughing and like spitting out the disgusting food. "What are you trying to do? Poison me?!"

The Traitor Dudes only gasped. "She spoke to us!" They totally jumped up and down and hugged each other.

Ikuk didn't see what the big hullabaloo was. "Ugh..."

"Please tell us your name!"

"No."

"We'll tell you ours. We're Ecurb, Divad, Yelhsa, Ynnel and Ecnatsnoc. Now will you tell us yours?"

"Will you shut up if I do?"

They nodded like totally pleadingly.

"Fine. The name's Ikuk. Ikuk Nabnas."


	3. Chapter 3

Since Ikuk would like be staying with them for like a while, she would like totally need a change of change of clothes. Ynnel was totally good at sewing. He had sewn like all of his siblings' clothing.

He sewed a pink sarong dress with like frills and flowers along the edges.

He like so totally hoped she would like it. He was like very proud of it. It was probably like his best work yet. "Now where's my favorite little dude?"

When he found Ikuk she was like brooding.

"Oh, Ikuk. I like totally have a present for you!"

"No thanks," she responded coldly.

"Oh, try it on. Pretty please?" his pleading little eyes were a chore to look at.

"Fine."

Ikuk went into another room and put the outfit on. But Ynnel was like not finished yet.

When she came back he tied her hair up in pigtails and stuck some flowers in her hair. He then handed a mirror to her.

"Awww," she looked him in the face with pitying eyes. "I hate it!" she declared with like a large mocking smile on her face.

However. The LTD knew by now, that when Ikuk showed like any emotion that wasn't anger, it was certainly a good thing.

"Oh, you're just saying that!" Ynnel like totally threw his arms around her.

 _Yuck._ Ikuk hated how openly affectionate they were, but she had grown a bit used to it by now.

She was like usually grumpy most of the time but like sometimes they would totally tune her out and hear what they wanted to hear instead.

"Hey, I'm yelling at you!" she shouted at their faces.

"Huh? Sorry little dude we were like totally distracted by your like totally adorable face."

She hated how blissfully unaware they were.

One night, Yelhsa heard heard Ikuk crying out in her sleep. "Hey, Ikuk dude, like wake up," she tried gently prodding her, but the girl would not wake up.

"Let me try," Ecnatsnoc offered but the others gave a resounding "NO," in a hushed tone. Ecnat was like a good kid, but she had a tendency to be like really loud, and they weren't trying to _scare_ the girl awake, or disturb Daddy for that matter

"I have an idea," Ynnel offered, "But I'm going to need some help."

Ynnel pulled out a sheet of paper with some words written on it. They were song lyrics. "I wrote it for her. But I can't sing."

Ecurb grabbed his ukele and him and Yelhsa nodded at each other.

Yelhsa gently cradled Ikuk in her arms and started singing in a sweet voice.

Ecurb played the ukelele to accompany her voice.

Ikuk totally stopped crying and like gently wrapped her arms around Yelhsa's waist.

"I'm here, little dude. So like don't cry anymore."

They stayed like that for a while, before the Traitor Dudes fell back asleep.

Ikuk did not remember the incident in the morning. But she did remember her nightmare. That's right...her teammates had abandoned her. _Just like that day.._.

It was dark and cold outside, as always. Her and her teammates had been terrorizing innocent children, when Ikuk fell into a thicket of brambles. But Negative Numbuh 2 only scoffed and said, "Let's leave her. She'll only slow us down." And his other teammates agreed with him. Yes...now she remembered. They had left her, their own teammate, to die, cold and alone in the rain. _Who needed them anyway. She could dominate the world on her own...without their help._ Besides...she glanced at the Little Traitor Dudes. _There was already someone who needed her...right here._


	4. Chapter 4

Ikuk hated the Little Traitor Dudes at first. They were so annoying with their googly eyes and the way they were never phased by her fury.

But they were also kind and generous and didn't boss her around. Her cuts had healed up by now, and she could have left by now if she wanted to.

She had contemplated the idea at first. But there wasn't really any place for her to go back to. Her teammates had left her behind and they probably weren't even out looking for her.

If she came back now they'd only laugh at her. It was cold and dark out there. Dangerous for any kid to be out alone.

And the Little Traitor Dudes had treated her far better than those old teammates of hers.

She was brash and mean, but they didn't mind. They had taken her in when she was weak. They had nurtured her even when she acted like a brat, and no matter how she treated them, they loved and accepted her for who she was. Unlike those awful dnk operatives.

Although she wouldn't admit it yet, Ikuk had grown a bit fond of them.

They treated her like a queen and she ate it up.

Divad was in the bathroom, in a green fluorescent tux jacket and shorts, practicing corny lines to himself.

"Like, what are you doing?" Ecnat happened to be walking by and heard him monologuing to himself.

"Little sis! What are you doing here?"

"Mind if I join you?"

So the sibs practiced their confession to Ikuk in the mirror together.

They told the rest of their sibs the plan and once they were ready they approached Ikuk.

"Ikuk we have something very important to tell you."

"I'm listening."

"We love you. We adore you. We need you. We think about you night and day. You're like everything we've ever dreamed of, and more. You're like a warm sunset on the evening horizon. The cool breeze of an ocean wave. The gentle fragrance of a freshly-squeezed pineapple-"

"Oh just get on with it!"

"We're head over heels for you, little dude. Will you like go out with us?"

"Took you long enough."

"Well?" they stared at her pleadingly.

"Will you carry me like a princess?"

"Anything for you, my sweet mango smoothie."

"Deal."


	5. Chapter 5

Ikuk waited for the Traitor Dudes to remove their hands from her eyes.

"Are we almost there?" she asked impatiently.

"Patience, little dude."

When they had reached their destination, they slowly removed their hands from her eyes.

"...what is this place?"

The ground was warm and soft and the skies were dark and cloudy up ahead. A large expanse of water crashed upon the shore.

"Welcome to the beach, little dude...or at least... _what's left of it._.."

Ikuk stared at them quizzically.

They stared at the ground in a melancholic silence with grief-stricken smiles on their usually-cheery faces.

"This place is-- _was_ our paradise...before they came along..."

Ikuk looked down in guilt.

"This place used to be so pleasant, so beautiful. But now trash and debris litter the ground. The once blue water is now stained a grimy green color...and the creatures who live beneath have become effected by it..."

The Dnk had used their power to destroy such a place...and _she_ was one of them.

The Little Traitor Dudes silently reminisced as they walked across the sand. Up ahead they spotted a large gray mass.

"What's...that?" Ikuk asked.

The Traitor Dudes approached the creature slowly and patted it's soft skin sorrowfully, " _You, poor poor creature_..." It was a baby sea lion, on the brink of death, caught in some sort of net wiring.

The Traitor Dudes carefully removed the creature from it's painful entrapment. Though they knew, very well, that it was too weak to go back to where it belonged.

It cried out in pain as they hugged and kissed it gently.

 _Had they done this too?_ Ikuk could not stand the sight of her love in so much pain.

And she couldn't stand the fact that she was part of the problem. She was a destructively nefarious kid...they were sad... _because of her._ She couldn't stand the thought that she played a part in making them feel so...awful.

She was a coward. But she couldn't stay there a moment longer.

So she ran. She didn't know where she was going and she didn't know where she'd end up, but she didn't care. As long as it was far, far away from _here._


	6. Chapter 6

The beach was like the Little Traitor Dudes' home away from home. Back when it was still beautiful.

They would play in the sand and surf among the waves, the warm sunlight bathing them in her bountiful glory.

They would bury each other in the sand, and make big luxurious sandcastles. They would collect seashells and string them into necklaces. And occasionally, if they were lucky, they would spot some sealife from afar, making it's way through the vast blue expanse it called home.

It was so beautiful.

And now...it was like a cold lonely shell of it's former self.

They gazed out beyond the horizon wistfully. Those were such simple times. Such fun carefree times. Before they devoted themselves to protecting children in need.

But the Traitor Dudes knew who they were now, and they had devoted themselves to a duty to protect those in need. And they would make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

Sure they would miss those times, and regret that they couldn't protect the one place they loved most. But that was in the past. Time was constantly moving forward. They couldn't afford to dwell on the things they hadn't the power to change.

They had just wanted to say one last goodbye to the place they used to love. And then they could move forward again, without looking back.

"Hey, have you guys seen Ikuk?" Ecurb called out suddenly.

She had been right behind them earlier, but suddenly she was gone. They weren't sure how long it had been, but they decided to split up and look for her.

Once they finished scouring the beach they met back up, but came up empty.

They decided to look back at home. They weren't sure where else she could have gone. When they got home, the clothes Ynnel had made for her were sitting on the bed... _She couldn't have._

Ikuk made her way sulkily to Nega sector Z's treehouse. "Oh, look who decided to show up for work," the taunting voice of Negative Numbuh 2 summoned her.


	7. Chapter 7

The Little Traitor Dudes readied themselves for battle and started searching downtown. They couldn't be too careful. There were enemies around every corner. That was one of the reasons they were so worried about Ikuk. Anything could happen to her if she was out there alone.

When they had checked every possible place they thought she could be they sighed and decided it was best to go back home. It was getting darker. And the streets were especially dangerous at night.

But when they turned the corner, they spotted a girl in green, face obscured by a pink scarf, chained to a cart full of broccoli.

"Ikuk?"

"I don't know anyone by that name."

But she couldn't fool them that easily.

"What are you doing out here? You know it's like extra dangerous out at night."

"Shhh! I'm working right now!" She struggled to pull the cart along.

"If they see you out here with me, I'll get in trouble."

"What are you talking about, dude? Didn't those 'teammates' of yours like totally abandon you in the forest?"

"...yes. And this is my punishment for returning the favor. And also..." she looked down.

"What's going on? You like totally don't have to do this. You can like come back to the 'mansion' with us."

"No. I can't do that. Because...my actions made you wear those sullen faces."

"What are you talking abou-"

Just then Negative Numbuhs 2 and 5 emerged from the treehouse.

"Whozzat whozzat! Lemme at em lemme at em huhuhu!" Negative Numbuh 5 yammered unintelligibly.

"Oh, shut up!" Negative Numbuh 2 bonked her over the head with a weapon.

While Negative 2 was distracted by Negative 5's antics, the Little Traitor Dudes freed Ikuk and ran away with her.

"Why are you helping me...I hurt you," Ikuk mumbled quietly.

"We like totally don't know what you're talking about, but like we can discuss it like somewhere safer."

Ikuk pouted and hid inside her sweater.

"That's why you ran away from us?"

Ikuk nodded silently.

"Ikuk, darling, even if you were like a part of it, you totally weren't the direct cause of it. Besides, like all the kids in the Dnk are being used by the higher-ups. If they don't carry out their jobs they'll get totally punished. So we can't like completely blame them. And like we are upset about the condition of the beach but...we're like totally more mad at ourselves that we like didn't get there in time to like stop it from happening."

"So...you don't hate me then...?"

"Dude...where did you like ever get that idea? We love you, Ikuk. We like wouldn't have asked you to date us, if we didn't mean it."

"Oh..." Ikuk twiddled her thumbs.

"Hey," they lifted her into their arms. "We're sorry that we got like emotional earlier. But like we promise that we never felt that way because of you."

"You really do love me, huh?"

"We do, honorary member of the Little Traitor Dudes for Children's Defense," they held out her outfit to her.

"Do you really mean that?"

"We do, well only if you want it, we like won't force you."

"I'd be honored..." she changed back into Ynnel's outfit.

"I love you guys, too," she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed them.

"We know you do," they smiled down at her warmly.


End file.
